What to Do Before Saying "I Do"--Questions and Tips

Life’s Big Questions: What to talk about before marriage

·         Kids: not just “do you want them”, but how many, when will we have them, how will we raise them?

·         Money: keeping accounts, debt, roles, saving, spending habits

·         Religion: holidays, families, children, daily issues

·         Sex: what you can and cannot tolerate, expectations

·         Fidelity: what do you see as cheating (is lunch with a coworker okay?  How about flirting with an old flame on Facebook)?

Pay attention to jitters vs. cold feet.  It’s normal to feel nervous, but not normal to dread your partner or only see his or her faults leading up to the wedding. 

Other tips:

·         Start at the beginning: when you first get married, don’t be afraid to be a novice; no one knows everything when they first start out.

·         Love your spouse and your life: build a life together that you both enjoy.

·         Look before you leap: date for at least a year so that you see each other in all seasons and on important dates like holidays, birthdays, deaths.  Dr. Law says to go camping before you commit to marriage; you learn a lot about a person after three days without a real shower.

Hatfield, H. (2007). Marriage Prep 101. WebMD.

Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/marriage-prep-101

            Pre-marital education can also be helpful; a counselor or educator can help you go over these and other topics before you take your vows. 

           If things come up while preparing for your wedding and you realize that you don’t want to go through with it right now, that’s okay. Postponing the wedding or calling it off all together will often be very difficult, but it might be better for everyone in the long run. 

Remember that a pre-wedding divorce is always better than a post-wedding one. 

Interesting fact: couples with the most expensive weddings are more likely to divorce.  It’s not that spending money on a wedding makes you hate your spouse; rather, it’s more likely that those who spend the most have a “fairy-tale” view of marriage and may not be prepared for the realities of married life. Don’t go into your marriage only thinking about your wedding!