Getting
married is one of the biggest transitions in one’s life. There are many things that can be done to
make the transition easier for all involved, and to help build a foundation for
a wonderful marriage for years to come.
Warning
Signs before Marriage or Engagement
Before marriage we should have our
eyes WIDE OPEN and after marriage we should keep them HALF SHUT.
These aren’t the kind of problems
that only show up when dating and then go away after marriage; they often only
get worse. Don’t trust that someone will suddenly change for the better after
the wedding; if anything, these traits may show up worse than ever.
Does
your partner
1. Have extreme views on political,
family, religious, or world affairs?
2. Encourage you to develop your talents and progress, or do they want to keep you hidden in a closet, away from the rest of the world?
3. Allow you time for yourself, or is your partner possessive?
4. Encourage you to have your own interests, your own life too? If no, there may be a problem.
5. Allow you to spend time with your friends, or is your partner jealous of your friends and the time you spend with them?
6. Compare you to past boyfriends or girlfriends?
7. Take an interest in other people, or is your partner selfish with his/her time and pursuits?
8. Exhibit behaviors that suggest that the world revolves around him/her?
9. Exhibit behaviors that suggest personality faults such as deep insecurity, excessive jealousy, uncontrollable temper, and inflexibility?
10. Exhibit character flaws such as being condescending, or lying, cheating, stealing, arrogance, etc.?
11. Fail to admit mistakes and can never admit to being "wrong?" (Look for humility and meekness, but personal confidence as well)
12. Often exhibit negative or critical traits?
13. Complain about your family or spending time with your family?
14. Seek to build relationships with your family, or does your partner lack the skills to do so?
2. Encourage you to develop your talents and progress, or do they want to keep you hidden in a closet, away from the rest of the world?
3. Allow you time for yourself, or is your partner possessive?
4. Encourage you to have your own interests, your own life too? If no, there may be a problem.
5. Allow you to spend time with your friends, or is your partner jealous of your friends and the time you spend with them?
6. Compare you to past boyfriends or girlfriends?
7. Take an interest in other people, or is your partner selfish with his/her time and pursuits?
8. Exhibit behaviors that suggest that the world revolves around him/her?
9. Exhibit behaviors that suggest personality faults such as deep insecurity, excessive jealousy, uncontrollable temper, and inflexibility?
10. Exhibit character flaws such as being condescending, or lying, cheating, stealing, arrogance, etc.?
11. Fail to admit mistakes and can never admit to being "wrong?" (Look for humility and meekness, but personal confidence as well)
12. Often exhibit negative or critical traits?
13. Complain about your family or spending time with your family?
14. Seek to build relationships with your family, or does your partner lack the skills to do so?
15. Have difficulty relating to his/her own
family? (Note: This is a huge Red Flag that your partner will have difficulty in his/her own family
relationships later on)
16. Enjoy work or is your partner prone to laziness and irresponsibility?
17. Have the television on all the time at his/her apartment or home?
18. Criticize your personal appearance?
19. Tell you that you need to lift weights, go jogging, or join a health club?
20. Make fun of your weight or other bodily traits?
21. Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse you?
22. Tear you down and then try to come back a few days later as "Mr. Nice Guy," promising that it will never happen again?
23. Need to make major social or emotional changes in his/her life?
24. Promise that he/she will change after the wedding?
25. Have some of the same goals, dreams, and aspirations as you do, or does he or she have a completely different life plan?
16. Enjoy work or is your partner prone to laziness and irresponsibility?
17. Have the television on all the time at his/her apartment or home?
18. Criticize your personal appearance?
19. Tell you that you need to lift weights, go jogging, or join a health club?
20. Make fun of your weight or other bodily traits?
21. Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse you?
22. Tear you down and then try to come back a few days later as "Mr. Nice Guy," promising that it will never happen again?
23. Need to make major social or emotional changes in his/her life?
24. Promise that he/she will change after the wedding?
25. Have some of the same goals, dreams, and aspirations as you do, or does he or she have a completely different life plan?
Adapted
from D.E. Brinley & M.D. Ogletree, First Comes Love
[Covenant Communications: American Fork, Ut., 2001], pp. 75-77.
[Covenant Communications: American Fork, Ut., 2001], pp. 75-77.
Strongermarriage.org
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